Words at memorial from Liz Mills

Asha

(Memorial 29 Sunday January 2012)

It is the beautiful, caring, quirky, smart, the delicately feminine, curious, savvy, gentle, pragmatic, humorous, exquisitely light being of Asha Barron that brings us together this morning.

On behalf of Asha’s family, Heather Peter and Kai, I bid you a warm welcome and extend their thanks, their heart-felt appreciation for the phenomenal outpouring of emotional support, generosity and practical help from family, friends and colleagues. People have come from all over the world to be with them and to stand alongside them at this time. To Asha’s Granny Avis, Asha’s Gramps and her Great Uncle Basil and Aunt Erna, your presence and your support are very important to the family. Each one of you here is special and connects in your own particular to Asha and the family. And when Peter met me at their gate a couple of days ago one of the first things he said was that if anything could be learnt from a thing like this, then it was about the value of friendship.

I am Liz, a friend of the family and I will be facilitating these initial more formalised proceedings as we remember and honour Asha.

Time extends, contracts, and stands still. And in what seems like just yesterday Heather and I were chatting about children – not our own - and issues of parenting and Heather said: ‘my children have made parenting easy for me’. It was a moment of spontaneous testimony; a moment of recognition, a moment of joy in and an affirmation of two beautiful young people: Asha and her brother Kai. A mere two, maybe three weeks later we find ourselves here, the events of the past ten days seem unreal and the landscape of life, simultaneously familiar and unfamiliar is irrevocably altered.

Asha’s passing marks a loss; a loss that is profound, a loss that is irredeemable, a loss that is permanent. But where time has length and depth, far more enduring is the gift of her life: a life generously lived, a life full of love, a life that was quite frankly just beautiful. And that is why we gather; to celebrate that life, Asha’s life. A life uniquely and exclusively Asha’s but a life that is also inseparable from and richly reflective of the family that nurtured her.

And so I turn to family who will speak first:

Asha’s Uncle Norman, Peter’s brother who has come from Israel.

Paul and Craig: Asha’s cousins who speak on behalf of all of the cousins.

Beth Vale: the daughter of close, long standing family friends and Asha’s friend reaching back to pre-school years.

Kate, Laura, Stacy, Asmaa, Nabeelah and Rebecca represent the group of friends who span school, university and digs life.

James Angove from St Andrews where Asha was studying has come from the UK to be here.

Greg Fried: Asha’s supervisor in the Philosophy Department at the University of Cape Town.

Of course the conversations are not done, of course the memories will continue to bubble up but we must pause and I must bring these proceedings to a close. On behalf of the family, thank you to those who have spoken; who have evoked Asha so beautifully with their words and thank you too to those who have held and connected the narratives with their quiet listening.

At the start of the morning I welcomed you on behalf of the family. Now I want to close by speaking directly to the family on behalf of all us who are here. A single thought. Time will lengthen and the busyness of our individual lives will overtake all of us and you will feel the moment of falling out of step, the moment when what is held so beautifully here this morning seems to drop away from those around you.

At that moment I want you to remember – to remember and know - that the love, the regard and the deep respect in which we hold Asha, and you Peter and you Heather and you Kai will in reality be no less then than it is now.

Thank you to you all for being here. You are invited to tea, you are invited to picnic. We have access to these beautiful gardens till early evening. You are welcome to come and go as you wish.

Today is Asha’s day.